Couples Should Discuss Sexual Preferences Before Marriage- Expert

Full knowledge and appreciation of sexual differences of couples make marriages more fulfilling.

The sexual relationship is a very pleasurable one and it should bring a great deal of enjoyment to couples. Sexual role in marriage cannot be over-emphasized. God created humanity as sexual beings.

Most marriages sometimes suffer because of little or no knowledge about how to have a good sex. This has led to situations where sexual beds continue to suffer in marriages.

According to a Psychologist, Dr Hosea Apeh, It is important to know that couples must go out of their ways to satisfy each other.

Apeh said, “There are a number of factors that contribute sexually challenges in marriage. Some of them could be biological.

“People’s sexual performance is not at the same level, sometimes the appetite of a partner may be more than what the other partner may support and that way biologically you can say that one partner is demanding more, while the other person cannot meet up and that could be a challenge.”

He gave some of the reasons why marriages suffer over sex as follows:

Stress

Ape said daily life stresses could have an impact on one’s libido, adding that there is need for couples to set time aside for intimacy and sexual experimentation.

He said, “Sometimes it’s occupational, maybe a work load of a partner may be so high that the person works too hard. And when its time for sexual pleasure, the person may not be available for it, and it could contribute to sexual disagreement between partners.

“I can also relate that to stress level, not only occupation that can lead to that, sometimes its stress. Maybe family stress, we all come from different families before we go into marriage, some people also carried the excess load from their family to the new family they are trying to set up. At the end of the day, you understand that grand-father is coming, grand-mother is also coming, mother-in-law and father-in-law are coming.

“At the end of the day sexual disagreement can come because stress can bring it down, and the libido level goes down when there is too much of stress.”

Sexual Preferences

Couples have different sexual fantasies and it becomes a challenge when these fantasies are not synchronized in a manner that would ensure a pleasurable love-making session.

When asked how this could be better managed, Ape said, “Ordinarily, you should explore and know about your mate. Even if you don’t do it physically before marriage, at least you ask your partner what the person could do in sex, and if that is not there, you will find yourself in a marriage where a partner maybe demanding oral sex and you don’t want to, I think it should be talked about.

“Assuming you made the mistake of not talking about it before marriage, now there is a marriage relationship and you need to manage that situation, I advise you sit down and ask your partner.

He added, “Some partners would say they want to watch a pornographic movie before they go into sex, and the other will say I don’t watch pornography that could be an issue.

“If you find yourself in a relationship where your partner demands to watch pornography before they can have sex, you need to talk to each other so you can find a common ground. Maybe one person has to make the sacrifice for the marriage to work.

Hostile Attitude

Experts said not recognizing hostile attitude and preventing them could result into sexual contention.

They contend that constant display of excessive annoyance, intolerance behavior, animosity, bad temper, violent reactions or intense dislike do not only lead to disagreement, but ultimately destroy sexual pleasure.

Ape said that not having the right attitude could also destroy one’s marriage.

He said, “You can also appreciate sexual disagreement with lack of love for a partner. Some people go into marriages for wrong reason, it wasn’t actually love that propelled it.

“I just talked about love because these days, people don’t look at love as an issue anyway. But traditionally, love should have been the basis for marriage.

“So, when love is the basis and is no longer there, it can affect the sexual performance. But in the event where love was not the basis for marriage and maybe is attraction, then it could be a problem.

“I will give an example, someone is attracted to the breast of a lady and got into marriage, when the lady gives birth and the breast is no longer what it used to be, the appetite will go down and disagreement will become the order of the day.”

Poor Communication

Couples should understand that sex is a chemistry that exhibits chains of reactions through effective communication that results into actions.

Speaking on the importance of communications in a relationship, the Psychologist said, “It would start from how you got together in the first place, the basis for marriage, the basis for marital relationship is always a factor, and with time there are a lot of demands that we all have.

“You need to balance your work pressure; you just need to isolate work from family life. It will not be proper for you to work in the office and bring over work from the office to the house if you are working, that way you will have time for you family.

“Mainly, is communication, when partners communicate even when you over work your partner should also know that today this is why I need extra hour for this. Those communication does the magic. Even when going through any family pressure, you can always talk to your partner about it.

“Like I said earlier, communication is the key, whatever it is, if you can get naked with anybody then you should be able to discuss anything with that person.

“When couples decide to start hiding things, it means they are not being truthful to each other. So, whatever you start feeling, no matter how ugly it might sound, you should open up to your partner because you have been naked before.”

Lack of frequency

Sex between married couples should be as often as possible, not only when it is convenient for one spouse. Married partners should joyfully make each other available for their spouses and not do so grudgingly. Some couples especially those raised from a sex-bias background have very funny feelings about sex.

They are afraid that frequent, passionate and pleasurable sexual engagement with their partners may lead either of them into infidelity. Contrary to this opinion, Ape said that sex by design should increase the level of intimacy in the union.

He said, “I think people should just get practical with sex, because sex is a practical thing, whatever you decide to enjoy with your partner the limit should be defined by both of you.”