Parenting: Don’t Just Tell Kids What Not To Do, Lead By Example

This might sound too simple to be effective, but children learn more from watching adults in their lives relate to others than they do from hearing adults drone on and on about doing the right thing. If you always find yourself talking about what is wrong with your friends/relatives and not what is right with them, your children will go out there in search of the same with every friend they have. You can’t be toxic and expect your children to be non-toxic. “Agwo agaghi ahapu imu ihe odu ogologo” (A snake will always birth a snakelet with long tail).

Talk about the great friends you have. Share stories of friendships that have lasted a lifetime, talk about new friends that inspire and connect well with you. Talk about what those friendships and relationships mean to you, the benefits and how you relate with them. You should also understand that it is not enough to talk about all these things just for the sake of it. Our sense of vision proves that seeing is believing.

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Seeing, unlike thinking, creates new realities by opening up the vistas of possibility. Let’s take for example, my 6 year old daughter wants to be a commercial pilot. I emphasized ‘commercial pilot’ because last year when I took her for her annual physical, the doctor asked her what she wants to be, she said a pilot and the doctor said, oh you want to fly a helicopter? My daughter said “NO Sir, I am going to fly for Airlines like Delta, Lufthansa, you know those ones that fly people all around the world!”

The Dr. was speechless and said wow, it seems you got it figured out. My daughter said yes, my mom has shown me lots of videos of female commercial pilots and I can’t wait to be one. I shared those videos because she needs to see the female pilots for herself. Then during our trip in August 2019, it happened that the pilot was a woman. When we were getting off the plane, she said to the pilot, “I’d be like you after College”. The woman was so happy to hear that and she gave her a walk through the cockpit for her to see?. Seeing is experiential!!!!

Okay, I almost deviated from the subject! The key is that you make time to really be with your friends/relatives (physically, via videoconferencing, or phone) so that your children see your friendship/relationship skills in action. Also, include them when you do kind things to lift your friend(s)/relative(s) up during a difficult time or when you’re rejoicing with your friends during happy times.

This also goes with family. Don’t always talk about those relatives that are not so good in front of your children. With time, they will figure out for themselves who is a good person and who is not in the family. Also note that your children might relate better to or differently to some family members than you do. Don’t force them to inherit your perceived enemies. Your character shapes that of your children’s. Your character could also shape the society and our world. So, be the friend/family member you hope your children will become.

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ChiNna Okoroafor, a Licensed Psychotherapist and Certified Clinical Telemental Health Provider, writes from Colorado Springs, Colorado, U.S.A

Disclaimer: This article is entirely the opinion of the writer and does not represent the views of The Whistler.

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