Why Psquare And Jude Should Split Now

Between 1989 and 1995, my siblings and I were opponents of each other. It was not what we planned for but life happened to us. While growing up, our Mother seemed to prefer Tim Obafemi because he was the dutiful, hardworking home boy who would do dishes, house chores and he just seemed to read her mind. He was her PA to the market. He was the fellow who helped with her stationery business. Tim was a typical parental support. Obafemi Raphael and I were bystanders. We did not seem to get things right the way Mum wanted so unconsciously the name that even neighbours became used to hearing was ‘Taiwo’. Taiwo was the operational first born of our family.

So it was that when we became adults, there was a subtle disaffection between us. I recall sometimes, Tim would advise me about anything he felt I could do differently and I would assume he was trying to direct or instruct me. I would oppose his innocent advice just because I wanted him to know (or remember) that I am the ‘Egbon’ and he, the ‘Aburo’.

If not for the magnanimity and diplomacy of Tim with the large-heartedness of Ralph and my non-confrontational nature, perhaps we would have had a replica of the PSquare and Jude imbroglio today. Truth is that personalities play out a lot. The more dominant a person is, the higher the tendencies that such background, subtly misrepresented values will rebound and create the kind of crisis that these celebrities are facing. And contrary to the beliefs of many that siblings never part, I tell you common truth: SIBLINGS CAN BID EACH OTHER PERMANENT FAREWELL.

I read the letter that was sent to Festus Keyamo by Peter (as alleged), and in that letter he made some very salient statements:

1. They (The brand/Group) made up from last year’s separation BECAUSE OF THE FANS.

2. He (Peter) feels he has always been the person who TRIES TO MAKE THINGS WORK.

3. He asks Paul, WHO IS BLOOD & WHO IS WATER?

As a Therapist, I would not ignore such statements and it is difficult to assert that it all started when they met their wives, as the media is wont to suggest. I think otherwise.

Persons very close to them may assist with this analysis but I am sure this is a childhood grief blowing over in a serial way. Unfortunately, these chaps are individually strong characters and the ‘weaker’ of all being Peter is getting the heat most. In fact, it seems that the oldest brother, Jude, who seems to be the lord of the trio has Paul spellbound to his influence and hence making sure Peter suffers the brunt of their age long disaffection. (I write this based on patterned assumptions from my years of dealing with long held pains of siblings I have had to intervene for).

But what is the morale of this post?

Back to Peter’s statement about ‘because of peace and because of our fans…’ I see again another replay of what society does to men.

FANS ARE A MAJOR CAUSE OF PAIN.

In Emotional Intelligence classes, we teach that there are 3 parties that need to be considered for one to be emotionally intelligent:

– Yourself

– Other People (The person with whom you have interactions, whether good or bad like a fight) and

– The environment or society (we call it earth).

In this case, Peter (and Paul) chose to do it in the reverse way. They considered Fans first and most before they considered themselves. There is no how the centre will hold. When siblings find it easy to distribute family values and conflicts, fraternal treasures and secrets and personal details because of a conflict, the wounds will always haunt them. Using emotional intelligence as a basis for this case study, Both Peter and Paul (and Jude) would have pursued what makes them happy FIRST (this is where considering whether a split or a reconciliation would make each person happy would be decided) then as they do this, the self-esteem and happiness of the other brothers would come next (this is where sharing dirty linen in public would not even be an option) then the fans and sponsors and brand partners come last (by communicating in a civil way why they may not practice together anymore and why the fans are still dear to them, etc.)

SEPARATION IS NOT DEMISE, if properly handled.

When persons ignore the rudiments of emotional governance, we mess things up more than it could have been.

That is why many close partnerships in business, friendships, marriage divorces, and several other human conflicts are blown out of proportion. The parties involved make it so.

I heard a pastor recently say ‘God cares about the souls in a conflict above the conflict of agreement binding the souls’. WOW!!! That means WHATEVER AGREEMENT BINDS 2 PERSONS, IF THEY WILL DIMINISH IN THEIR SOULS, GOD PREFERS TO SAVE THEIR SOULS MORE THAN HE IS WILLING TO ADHERE TO THE AGREEMENT.

Is that not why Jesus Christ was livid with the Pharisees and Saducees when He said, YOU GUYS ARE VERY PARTICULAR ABOUT TITHING & GIVING BUT YOU DON’T EVEN CARE ABOUT THE WIDOWS AND OTHER PERSONS WELFARE? (Paraphrased).

I am an ardent fan of the PSquare brand. I have always followed their works since we were in Jos, Plateau state together. In fact, when they came to my university, Abubakar Tafawa Balewa University, just after competing in the Benson & Hedges Talent Show, I was in awe of their Michael Jackson mimic. These guys may never have rivals in Nigeria for a very long time. I love their work for its quality, energy, clean lyrics, dance routine and stage mastery. But I also write as a Therapist. And I advise these men, like I always believe in my work, IF GOING SEPARATE WAYS WILL CONSERVE YOUR SOULS, GO APART IMMEDIATELY AND LET TIME ALLOW YOU GUYS SYNERGIZE FROM THE DISTANCE.

May you not be misled by people like me who are fans. May the shame and fear of losing your name, niche and clout not force you to stay in a dysfunctional partnership. May the illusion that if you split, everything will end not keep you in a resentment-prone course. Choose your path with wisdom.

This split will cost you A LOT but in itself, IT IS NOT DEATH TO YOU. You will rebound if you believe in your own soul.

I love PSquare… but I love Peter, Paul and Jude individually, more.

May the Holy Spirit help you decide your future well.

m a k t u b!!!

Sam Obafemi is the President of Sam Obafemi Behavioural Change Academy, SOBCAonline.