Why It’s Difficult To Find Complete Bliss In Marriage– Couples
Married couples have ruled at the notion of the existence of bliss in marriages, but they said marriages can be successful overtime.
Nigeria records thousands of weddings yearly with heavy budgets spent on the wedding arrangements alone.
In 2017, Folarin, one of the sons of Nigeria’s richest women, Folorunsho Alakija spent $6m on his lavish wedding. Others budget over $9,000 an equivalent of N4.5m .
Sometimes the marriages do not last for a month over frustrations resulting from the high hopes among young couples.
Between January and February 2020, a total of 4, 000 divorce applications were reportedly filed before various courts in the Federal Capital Territory over dissatisfaction.
But Mrs Ifeoma Udeze who has been married for over two years described bliss in marriage as a mirage during a chat with THE WHISTLER.
For her, irrespective of the amount spent, bliss in marriage is relative and can only be enjoyed when partners tolerate their shortfalls.
She said, “It is relative though because no two marriages are the same, managing your partner is given key like you ought to have lot of tolerance. Like me, my tolerance level was very low but in marriage it has to be high, but some things you cannot tolerate when you were single, you find yourself tolerating them.
“So to me, it is more like managing each other. If you don’t want to manage, that’s why divorce is seen here and there every time. Even those ahead of me, who have advised me, have experienced the same thing especially in their early years, they will tell you how they overcame it by just tolerating and managing and at the end, it will be sweet. So, I will say it is more about managing each other.”
Mrs Adanna Chijioke told THE WHISTLER that new and intending couples who believe the concept of bliss in marriage should first learn to manage their spouse.
“We manage our flaws because no one is perfect. Note, not when it’s too abusive and too frustrating you still manage, before it leads to death, you better leave,” said Chijioke.
Mr Chijioke Ayaru believes that there is no bliss in marriage, but the couples can manage themselves to have a successful marriage.
He said, “Yes, although there is no complete bliss in marriage, like I said earlier there are aspects of behaviors you can manage. Nobody is perfect, not even you and your brother. Assuming you and your brother are allowed to marry him. There’s always a misunderstanding and you two will have to settle.
“There’s no way you can have complete bliss in marriage, it is not possible. They say everyone is mad, just that the degree of madness varies. So it is the degree of the misunderstanding that makes it vary.”
Tobi Philips who also spoke on the issue said couples have different preferences which may need tolerance and adjustments.
“Marriage is not entirely managing your partner. But when you look at it from the fact that both couples are from different backgrounds, then they will definitely have different preferences.
“So the way to get around these differences is to have understanding. Both partners need to talk about things that they would not tolerate and take steps into ensuring that such don’t happen to put them off,” said Philips.
Mrs. Onyinyechi Ezechuckwu who said marriage is a gamble pointed out that sacrifice is vital in marriage.
Ezechuckwu also said the notion of bliss in marriage is perceived by couples differently.
She said, “It is a fifty fifty thing. Yes, you can, yes you may not. I tell people marriage is what you want it to be, you are a sole determinant of what you want your marriage to be. Most people might say that they can’t find complete bliss in marriage because their partner is something else.”
“So, this is where compromising has to come in. If you guys are of the same character, trust me I don’t think you might really want to have issues, because your likes and dislikes are the same and one would not want to do anything to hurt the other. So yes, you can find bliss in marriage.
Udeze who spoke to THE WHISTLER also said that in his opinion, their is nothing called bliss in marriage.
He explained, “There’s no way there won’t be a problem or misunderstanding, and if there is no misunderstanding how would you even know the other person’s weakness or strength.
“So, it is not all rosy at all because there must be challenges. Though people don’t project it, they only project what they want people to see about them.”