‘Who Will Give Me Head If He Lives Abroad?’ — Nigerian Women Share Views On Long-Distance Marriage

In Nigeria, some women marry men who live and work abroad, only visiting home once or twice a year. This arrangement poses challenges but also offers perceived benefits.

THE WHISTLER gathered perspectives from Nigerian women which highlight the complexity of emotions and motivations involved in such long-distance relationships.

While data is unavailable on the prevalence of these marriages, some women told THE WHISTLER the considerations that may influence their choice of being in such marriages or otherwise.

Reasons like financial security and lifestyle stability provided by the women are weighed against companionship, intimacy needs and the faithfulness of partners.

Fashion designer Chealse Ijeoma firmly opposed the idea, citing the absence of intimacy and questioning the relationship’s essence without physical closeness.

The 30-year-old stated, “Who will be giving me head? No sex? That’s not a real relationship. We could literally be strangers.”

Grace Bright, a 28-year-old teacher, said she would only agree to such a marriage if she already had children with the man. “It is going to be a very hard decision though,” she noted.

Others like Chiamaka Sunday, a banker, rejected the proposition altogether and equated it to “singlehood”.

“I can’t be in such a marriage. The temptation will be much. I like him to be close to me,” she emphasized.

However, Amanda Ogbonna, a 32-year-old entrepreneur, took a pragmatic stance.

While acknowledging her physical needs, she said financial stability could help manage the distance. “If he has money, I can manage his coming back once a year. Money stops nonsense,” she quipped.

“Intimacy matters to me a lot, at least 3 times a year is fine. I’m a clingy type, but if the person has money very well, I can manage his coming back once a year, at least money stops nonsense,”

She however said, “If you love the man with or without money, marry him oo, understanding and marrying your best friend is important.”

Asked how she would manage her sexual urges, she said, “That’s why I said if the person has money,” jokingly adding that “Konji no be your mate”.

Peters Nora, a customer service agent with a telecommunications company, shared a similar perspective on marrying a partner who lives abroad.

The 31-year-old, who prioritizes financial stability even if it comes with a distant partner, said is open to temporary separations as long as the ultimate goal is to build a secure future together.

“These men abroad know how to take care of women,” Nora said. “He will not continue to stay abroad for the rest of his life.”

She added, “You will feel lonely, yes, but it won’t be forever. With money, you can enjoy places and meet people. If you have kids, they will provide company. Loneliness is a mindset.”

When asked about managing sexual desires in a distant relationship, Nora suggested discreet extramarital affairs as a potential solution.

“You can travel to the next state to do your thing if you don’t like sex toys,” Nora said. “Distant relationships are sweet – you have freedom.”

According to Nora, too much familiarity in a marriage could lead to boredom.

“Once you get married, you and your husband will be seeing each other every day. It sometimes gets boring. The excitement of getting used to each other will fade away,” she said, adding “Constant togetherness, before you know it, leads to quarrels.

“On the other hand, men who live abroad can provide. Forget love – the ones here always complain when you ask them for something,” she noted.